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英汉幽默故事选读         ★★★
英汉幽默故事选读
作者:英汉幽默… 文章来源:网络 点击数: 更新时间:2008-9-1 20:37:10
 
by heart. "Yes," he said proudly, "I, I
am your father; (then pointing to a girl) She, She is your mother;
You, You are my son."


Notes:


(1) learn sth. by heart 谙记;能背出
(2) proudly adv.自豪地
Exercises:
根据短文回答下列问题:

① What did Peter learn on his first day at school?
② How many sentences did the teacher teach him?
③ Who asked him a question when Peter went home?
④ How did his father feel when he heard Peter's sentences?
⑤ What sentences did his father teach him?
118.我,你,她
彼得是个聪明的孩子。在学校的第一天,他学了三个词:我,你,
她。老师教他如何用这三个词造句子。老师说:“我,我是你的老师;
(然后指着一个女孩)她,她是你的同学;你,你是我的学生。”

彼得回到家里,爸爸问他学了什么。彼得马上说:“我,我是你的
老师;(然后指着他的妈妈)她,她是你的同学;你,你是我的学生。”
他的爸爸听了非常生气,说:“我,我是你的爸爸;(然后指着他的妻
子)她,她是你的妈妈;你,你是我的儿子。”

第二天,老师问彼得是否用心学那三个词了。“是的,”彼得自豪
地说,“我,我是你的爸爸;(然后指着一个女孩)她,她是你的妈妈;
你,你是我的儿子。”


119. You May Select
The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same
dish.


One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, "My dear,
what will we eat today?"


The wife said, "You may select the dish today."


The husband was very glad and asked, "Which dishes are there
today?"


"Cabbage."


"The others?"


"None."


"Then how to select?"


"Eat or not eat!" the wife said.


Notes:


(1) complain v.抱怨
(2) cabbage n.白菜
Exercises:
根据短文选择正确答案:

① What did the husband complain about?
A. His wife sometimes cooked the same dish.
B. His wife seldom cooked the same dish.
C. His wife always cooked the same dish.
D. His wife didn't cook any dish.
② What question did the husband ask one day?
A. He asked what they would cat.
B. He asked if there was anything to eat.
C. He asked if there was any meat.
D. He asked if there was any cabbage.
③ The wife told him that_____ .
A. there was no meat
B. there was a lot of cabbage
C. he could select the dish
D. he could cook some other dishes
④ The husband was at first_____ .
A. very disappointed
B. very angry
C. very sad
D. very glad
⑤ We can be sure that_____ .
A. the family had nothing to eat on that day
B. the family had only one dish on that day
C. the family had several dishes an that day

D. the family went out to a restaurant on that day
119.可以选择
丈夫抱怨妻子总是做同样的一种菜。
一天,丈夫回到家,问妻子:“亲爱的,今天我们吃啥菜?”
妻子回答:“今天你可以选择。”
丈夫感到非常高兴,又问:“都有哪些菜呢?”
“炒白菜。”
“还有呢?”
“没了。”
“那你要我怎么选呢?”
“吃还是不吃!”妻子一本正经地说道。



120.Three Men in a Boat


Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle
was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They
baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch.


A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked
the man in the middle if he knew the other two.


"Oh yes, " he said. "They are my friends.


"In that case, " warned the officer, "you'd better get them
out of here!"


"Yes, sir, " the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.


Notes:


(1) bait v.置饵于(钩等上以捕鱼等)
(2) imaginary adj.想象的
(3) reel v. 卷或缠(钓丝等)
(4) spectacle n. 景象;光景
(5) furiously adv. 疯狂般地
Exercises:
根据短文选择正确答案:

① Where were the three men?
A. on a street
B. in a shopping centre
C. in a park
D. by a lake
② Who was reading a newspaper?
A. the one in the middle
B. the one on the left
C. the one on the right
D. the policeman was reading a newspaper
③ What were the others doing?
A. They were reading newspapers.
B. They were eating fish.
C. They were pretending to fish.
D. They were boating.
④ What's the interrelationship among the three men?
A. They were friends.
B. They were relatives.
C. They were strangers to each other.
D. They were members of one family.
⑤ Where did the man in the middle imagine he was?
A. on a train
B. on a bus
C. in a plane

D. in a boat
120.三人同舟
三位男子在公园的长椅上坐着。中间的一个在读报纸,另外两个在
假装钓鱼。他们给想象的鱼钩上鱼饵,放线,并卷线把鱼抓上来。
一位过路警察驻足观察了这个景象,他问中间的那个男子是否认识

其他两位。
“喔,认识,”他说,“他们是我的朋友。”
“那样的话,”警察告诫说,“你最好把他们从这里弄走。”
“好的,警官。”那男子回答说,接着就开始疯狂般地做起划桨的

动作来。


121. A Speeding Motorist
A highway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. "Don't


you know what the blinking lights and siren mean?" he demanded.
"Yes, sir," replied the driver.
"Then why didn't you pull over immediately?"
"I would have, officer, " the man said. "But last month my wife


ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you were bringing her
back.


Notes:


(1) patrol n.巡逻
(2) blinking adj.闪烁的
(3) siren n.警笛
(4) pull over(将车、船等)开向一边让其他车、船超越
(5) run off with(sb.)与.私奔
Exercises:
根据短文判断下列句子正(T)、(F):

① The motorist speeded on the highway.
② The motorist didn't know what blinking lights and siren
meant.
③ The driver didn't pull over.
④ The motorist's wife ran off with the policeman last month.
⑤ The motorist didn't expect his wife to come back to him.
121.超速的司机
一位公路巡警截住了一个超速司机。“难道你不知道闪烁灯和警笛

的意思吗?”他责问道。
“知道,长官,”司机回答说。
“那你为什么不立即靠边停车?”
“我本来想这样做的,长官。”那男子回答说,“但上个月我妻子

和一位警察私奔了,我是害怕你把她带回来。”


122.What Color


An impoverished graduate student at Clemson University in
South Carolina, I was excited when my father informed me that he
had bought me a car. Hardly able to contain my enthusiasm, I asked
Dad the typical questions: "What kind is it? Does it have a stick
shift? Does it have a tape deck?"


"It's a 1982 Toyota," he replied. "It's a four speed, and, yes,
it has a tape deck . " Pleased, I asked what color it was.


"Well, " he said uncomfortably, " which part?"


Notes:


(1) impoverished adj.穷困的
(2) South Carolina 南卡罗莱那(美国州名)
(3) inform v.告知
(4) contain v.控制(情绪等)
(5) enthusiasm n.热情
(6) typical adj.典型的
(7) stick shift 手排挡
(8) tape deck 磁带舱
Exercises:
根据短文判断下列句子正(T)、(F):

① The graduate student couldn't afford a a car himself.
② When his father told him that a car had been bought for him
he was excited.
③ He controlled his excitement and didn't ask any questions.
④ He wanted a car with a stick shift.
⑤ He got a second-hand colored car.
122.什么颜色
作为南卡罗莱那州克莱姆森大学的一个本科生,我囊中羞涩,当我
父亲告诉我他为我买了辆车时,我甚是激动。我几乎控制不住我的热情,
问了爸爸几个关键问题:“什么车?有没有手排挡?有没有磁带舱?”

“是1982 年产丰田车,”他回答说,“四速,还有,是的,有磁带
舱。”我甚是高兴,又问是什么颜色的。

“哦,”他很不舒服地说,“你指哪一部分?”


123.It's Kind of Fitting


As a freshman at the University of Dayton in Ohio, I was eager
to make a good impression on my new roommate. When I arrived at
our dorm room, I found her putting on perfume. "That's a great
scent," I said, making conversation.


"Thanks-it was from my boyfriend. Here, try some," she said,
holding the bottle out for me.


Unfortunately she let go before I had a firm grip, and the glass
shattered on the tile floor. , Embarrassed, I tried to apologize,
but she cut me off - "Actually, it's kind of fitting," she explained,
surveying the damage. "That's exactly how the relationship went.


Notes:


(1) make a good impression on:给.留下好印象
(2) perfume n.香水
(3) unfortunately adv.不幸地
(4) let go 放手;松手常用于下面的结构中:let sb \ sth go;
let go of sb \ sth
(5) shatter v.(突然而剧烈地)破成碎片
(6) tile n.瓷砖
(7) embarrass v.使困窘
(8) cut sb off 打断
(9) fitting adj.适当的
(10) survey v.检查;查看
Exercises:
根据短文填空:

① As a freshman at the University of Dayton in Ohio, I was
eager to make a good impression _____ my new roommate.
② When I arrived at our dorm room, I found her putting _____
perfume.
③ "That's a great scent," I said, _____conversation.
④ Unfortunately she let _____before I had a firm grip.
⑤ Embarrassed , I tried to apologize, but she cut me_____ .
123.理应如此
作为俄亥俄州代顿大学的一名新生,我急于给我的新宿舍同伴留个
好印象。我到了寝室,看到她正在往身上洒香水。“香味真浓哇。”我
说,想和她搭起话来。

“谢了——是男朋友送的,来,洒些试试。”她说着把瓶子递给我。

不幸的是,我还没抓牢,她就松手了,玻璃瓶在瓷砖地板上摔碎了。
我感到很窘,我刚想道歉,她就打断了我。“事实上,应该如此。”

她解释道,查看着破碎的瓶子,“我和他的关系正是这样的。”


124. Excellent Skills
After friends of mine landed at busy Newwark Airport, they were
unable to attract the attention of any porters to help with their
luggage. In desperation, the husband took out a five-dollar bill
and waved it above the crowd.


In an instant, a skycap was at his side. "Sir," oberved the
porter, " you certainly have excellent communication skills.


Notes:
(1) land v. 着陆(3) skycap n. 戴宽边帽子的人
(2) desperation n. 无奈(4) observe v. 说
Exercises:
根据短文选择正确答案:
① How was Newark Airport?
A. unoccupied
B. crowded
C. dirty
D. shabby

② What problem occurred when they arrived at the airport?
A. They couldn't find the exit.
B. They couldn't find their luggage.
C. They couldn't find a porter to help them with the luggage.
D. They couldn't attract the attention of other people.
③ What did the husband feel about the situation?
A. He felt excited.
B. He felt desperated.
C. He felt worried.
D. He felt lucky.
④ What did the husband do with the five-dollar bill?
A. He threw it into the air.
B. He gave it to a nearby porter.
C. He put it into his pocket.
D. He waved it above the crowd.
⑤ From the passage we can see that the man was_____ .
A. slow-minded
B. quick-minded
C. foolish
D. childish
124.绝妙的技巧
我的朋友们在繁忙的纽瓦克机场着陆后,他们却不能招呼到脚夫来
帮他们搬行李。无奈,丈夫拿出一张五美元的钞票在人群上面摇晃。


一个带宽边帽的人马上来到他身边。“先生,”脚夫说道,“很明
显你有绝妙的交际技巧。”


125. Maternal Instinct
As a new father, I quickly learned the true meaning of maternal
instinct. Late one night, I was summoned to the hospital to attend
to one of my patients. I quietly got up in the dark but tripped
over a toy and crashed to the floor. As I lay there rubbing my sore
leg, my wife slept on.


Then there was a faint cough from the nursery . Debra leaped
out of bed, running past me down the hall to our baby's room. When
she returned, she looked at me and said, "What on earth are you
doing on the floor?"


Notes:


(1) maternal adj.母性的
(2) instinct n.本能
(3) summon v.召唤;召集
(4) attend(to)照顾;用心
(5) trip over 绊在某物上而跌跤;失足
(6) crash v.猛跌或猛撞并带破碎声
(7) nursery n.保育室
(8) leap v.跳;跃
Exercises:
根据短文判断下列句子正(T)、(F):

① Late one night, the husband was called to take care of one
patient.
② The husband knocked something over on to the floor.
③ The husband hurt his own leg.
④ The wife didn't response although her husband made a loud
noise.
⑤ The husband learned the true meaning of maternal instinct.
125.母性的本能
刚刚作了父亲,我就很快体会到母性本能的涵义了。一个深夜,医
院召我去照应一位病人。我悄悄地在黑暗中起了床,但一只脚绊在一个
玩具上,扑通一声摔在地板上。我倒在那里,揉着疼痛的腿,妻子毫无
反应地继续睡着。

突然,保育宣传来轻微的咳嗽声。戴博拉跃下床来,从我身边跑过,
下了客厅到我们婴儿的房间。她返回来时,看了看我说:“你究竟在地
板上干什么?”


126.An Excellent Scheme


After 20 years as a pilot, I became an airport manger and soon
found the stress was getting to me. I needed a release and wanted
to buy a motorcycle, but my family thought it was too dangerous.
My wife said, "Why don't you start flying again?"


The next day, as I showed a businessman around the airport,
he looked longingly at the planes." I used to take flying lessons,
but my wife made quit," he lamented. "She said it was dangerous.


"Tell her you want to get a motorcycle," I advised. My newfound
friend has now earned his pilot's license.


Notes:


(1) stress n. 压力;压迫
(2) Why don't you start flying again?何不再度开始飞行呢?
Why don' t you.?用来提出建议等。
(3) longinly adv. 渴望地
(4) lament v.惋惜
Exercises:
根据短文填空:

① After 20 years_____ a pilot, I became an airport manager.
② Soon t found the stress was getting _____ me .
③ I needed a_____ and wanted to buy a motorcycle.
④ The next day, as I showed a businessman _____the airport,
he looked longingly at the planes.
⑤ I used _____take flying lessons, but my wife made quit.
126.妙计
做了二十年的飞行员后,我成为一名机场管理人员。不久,我就发
现压力向我袭来。我需要放松,于是想买一辆摩托,但我的家人认为那
玩艺儿太危险了。我妻子说:“何不再度开始飞行呢?”

第二天,我带领一个商人参观机场时,他渴望地望着那些飞机。

“我过去经常参加飞行方面的学习,但我太太硬是让我放弃掉,”
他惋惜道,“她说那有危险。”

“告诉她你想买一辆摩托,”我建议道。我这位新朋友现在已经拿
到飞行执照。


127. Easy or Not
Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not
happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still
not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts,
she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted
her with a simple "Good morning".


"Good morning," she replied cheerfully. "I'm going to have to
use this drive-up all the time. It's so easy!"


Notes:


(1) alongside adv.沿着;靠着
(2) drive-up n.驱车直达处
(3) back up 退后
Exercises:
根据短文选择正确答案:

① The woman was_____ .
A. at a railway station
B. at a supermarket
C at a bank
D. at a hotel
② What did the woman want to do?
A. to practies driving a car.
B. to pull the car closer to the bank window.
C. to see what was happening in the bank.
D. to park free.
③ How many times did she try?
A. three times
B. four times
C. five times
D. six times
④ When did the story happen?
A. at night
B. in the morning
C. during lunch time
D. in the afternoon
⑤ What did the woman think of the drive up?
A. She thought it was very easy.
B. She thought it was really difficult.
C. She thought it would make people lazy.
D. She thought it would cause people to become fat.
127.方便与否

一位妇女把车沿着我们银行的驱车直达窗口开过来,可她并不满意
于她停的位置。因此她倒车,靠得更近点。还是不满意,倒车,再来。
五次努力后,终于她把车停下来,摇下车窗。我简单地问候她一声“早
上好”。

“早上好,”她愉快地回答说,“以后我都要使用这种驱车直达窗
口。真是如此的方便。”


128.I Want Her to go Nuts
Mrs. Flinders decided to have her portrait painted. She told
the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace,
emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."


"But you're not wearing any of those things."


"I know," said Mrs. Flinders." It's in case I should die before
my husband. I'm sure he'd remarry right away, and I want her to
go nuts ollking for the jewelry."


Notes:


(1) to have her portrait painted 让人给她画像 to have sth done.
要(让)别人做某事
(2) portrait n.肖像
(3) earring n. 耳环
(4) emerald n.祖母绿
(5) bracelets n.手镯
(6) ruby n.红宝石
(7) pendant n.垂环
(8) go nuts = go mad 发疯
Exercises:
根据短文判断下列句子正(T)、(F):

① Mrs. Flinders decide to paint a portrait for herself.
② She wanted to look wealthy in portrait.
③ She was wearing a diamond necklace.
④ She was sure that she would die before her husband.
⑤ Mr. Flinders remarried right away.
128.我要让她发疯
福林德斯夫人决定让人给她画肖像。她告诉那位肖像画家说:“画

我带着钻石耳环、钻石项链、祖母绿手镯,还有红宝石垂饰。”
“但你现在没带这其中的任何一样饰品。”
“我知道。”福林德斯夫人说,“万一我先我丈夫死去,我肯定他

会立刻再婚。我要让那个女人为寻找这些珠宝而发疯。”


129. An Ad
After a beautiful purebred puppy wandered onto our back porch
and made himself at home, my husband composed an ad for the "Lost
and found" column of the local newspaper. It read: "A puppy, male,
approximately nine months old, no collar, very friendly, found on
Rockbridge Road. "


I feared all the detail might encourage an unscrupulous person
to claim the dog.As I methodically explained why each clue revealed
too much, my husband dutifully crossed out the words. Finally, in
frustration, he rewrote the ad, reducing it to a single sentence
that I couldn't refute.


It read: "Guess what I found?"


Notes:


(1) purebred adj.纯种的(8) methodically adj.有条不紊地
(2) puppy adj.小狗;幼犬(9) clue n.线索
(3) porch n.门廊(10) reveal v.透露
(4) compose v.构思;作(11) dutifully adv.尽职地
(5) approximately adv.将近(12) cross out 画横线以删除
(6) cellar n.项圈(13) frustration n.挫折
(7) unscrupulous adj.无耻的;(14) refute v.反驳
Exercises:
根据短文填空:

① A beautiful puppy wandered _____ our back porch.
② He _____ himself at home.
③ My husband _____ an ad for the "Lost and found" column of
the local newspaper.
④ I feared all the detail might encourage an unscruplous
person to_____ the dog.
⑤ My husband dutifully crossed _____the words.
129.广告
一只漂亮的纯种狗来到我们的后门廊并已此为家了。我丈夫为当地
的“失物招领”栏目构思了一则广告。它是这样写的:“小狗,雄性,
近九个月年龄,无项圈,很友善,发现于石桥路。”

我害怕这样的细节会给那些昧着良心要狗的人以可乘之机。我有条
不紊地解释为什么每个线索都透露得太多,我丈夫就尽职地划去一些
词。终于,出于为难,他重新写了广告,把它缩为一个我无法反驳的句
子。

它是这样写的:“猜猜我发现了什么?”


130. Wedding or Not
Uncle Frank, at 79, was a healthy and wealthy man, a lifelong
bachelor. He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over-just
simmered." On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country
to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends.


Upon his return he exclaimed, "Whew! Thank goodness I never
married any of those women - They're al I widows now!


Notes:


(1) bachelor n.单身汉
(2) court v.向求爱;追求
(3) boil over 沸腾而溢出(本文指全身心地投入付出)
(4) simmer v.(做菜时)煨(本文指见好就收)
(5) whim n.一时的兴致;奇想
(6) look up 探访
Exercises:
根据短文判断下列句子正(T)、(F):

① Uncle Frank was very wealthy but poor in health.
② Uncle Frank never married in his life.
③ He had chased many girls, but had not married any of them.
④ He suddenly had an idea of visiting his old girlfriends.
⑤ He thought if he had married any of those girls, he wouldn't
have lived so long.
130.要否结婚
弗兰克叔叔七十八岁了,富有而健康。他是个终生单身汉。他曾追
求过很多女孩,但“从不过热——见好就收”。一天他突发奇想,决定
四处走走,去看看他那些接近一打的旧时女友。

他回来即叹道:“嘘!谢天谢地幸亏我没娶那些女人中的任何一个。
如今她们都成寡妇了!”


131.Ways to Report Death


Two brothers, Herbert and James, lived with their mother and
a cat named Edgar. James was particularly attached to the cat, and
when he had to leave town for several days, he left Herbert
meticulous instructions about the pet' s care. At the end of this
first day away. James telephoned his brother. "How is Edgar?"


"Edgar is dead." Herbert answered. There was a pause. Then
James said, "Herbert, you're insensitive, you know how close I was
to Edgar -you should have broken the news to me slowly. When I asked
about Edgar tonight, you should have said, 'Edgar's on the roof ,
but I have cal led the f ire department to get him down - ' And
tomorrow when I called, you could have said the firwere having
trouble getting Edgar down, but you were hopeful they would succeed.
Then when I called the third time, you could have told me that the
fire-men have done their best, but unfortunately Edgar had fallen
off the roof and was at the veterinarian's. Then when I called the
last time, you could have said that although everything possible
had been done for Edgar, he had died. That's the way a sensitive
man would have told me about Edgar. And, oh, before I forget," James
added, "how is mother?"


"Oh," Herbert said, pausing for a moment, "She' s on the roof."


Notes:


(1) particularly adv.特别地
(2) be attached to 为爱或感情所束缚;爱慕;依恋
(3) meticulous adj.仔细的
(4) insensitive adj.感觉迟钝的
(5) fire department 消防部
(6) have trouble doing 做某事有困难
(7) unfortunately adj.不幸地
(8) veterinarian n.兽医(常可写为vet)
Exercises:
根据短文选择正确答案:

① How many people were there in the family?
A. two
B. three
C. four
D. five
② Who was greatly attached to the cat?
A. Herbert
B. James
C. the mother
D. Edgar

③ What did James ask Herbert to do when he had to leave town
for several days?
A. to take good care of Edgar
B. to take good care of his mother
C. to take good care of himself.
D.

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